My husband said something really interesting to me the other day. It wasn’t so much what he said so much as the way he said it that struck me.
He told me that he thinks that what I do being a stay-at-home-mum is much harder than what he does going to work. Ahh how lovely, right? Which is what I usually think and carry on with my day but this time it was something about the way he said it that made me realise he actually genuinely means it.
The conversation was nothing to do with our home life, he was talking to a friend at work about paternity leave. This friend and his wife are sharing maternity leave so he was asking for advice about how much time would be good to take off work. So they were chatting about it and Rich said I wouldn’t like to stay off too long (back hackles up) because what my wife does is much harder than what I do (phew rescued yourself there son). Now, I have heard him say this before and always just thought that’s nice of him. But I could see he really meant it this time (mostly because he was laughing that said person was naively shocked that stay at home parenting is hard). But I was quite taken aback. I realised that all this time he’d actually meant it! And I felt really proud of myself!
Rich gets a lot (a lot) of validation at work. He works hard and is good at his job. As it’s a sales job when he hits his targets he gets bonuses, if he wins a big account his phone buzzes with well done messages from his team, there is a camaraderie and ‘in’ jokes and nicknames and so on and so on. But sahm mum’s don’t get that. Nobody ever walks past me doing the laundry and says “great job Kate, I see you are going out of your way to boil wash the sicky muslin, well done not slacking and just doing a quick 40 wash.” I don’t get a text message from my mate calling me Mrs Wonderflaps saying “Well done you’re killing this whole motherhood thing” and I certainly don’t get vouchers at Christmas or a bottle of fizz. But did I ever get that kind of pat on the back in my old job in the office? Not really. Do any of my hard slogging wonder mummy friends get any kind of notice in their day jobs or their home lives “You just helped that older person with dementia get the right care package and you’re an amazing mum too, here’s a £100 bonus.”
I had my first ever PR invite for the blog a couple of weeks ago (keep your eyes peeled) and I was so excited. It felt good to have a little validation from outside the home. As a stay at home mum a pat on the back isn’t usually on my radar. I love staying home with my children, and I truly feel so happy to be able to. We work as a team in our house and I really do feel like that. But there was definitely something special in realising that my husband thinks I’m awesome. There was definitely a spark of excitement to receive an email about my blog because it’s something only I have done. And there was definitely something special about nagging my 6 yr old to keep her room tidy because I just cleaned it and getting the reply “Thanks Mum”.
So we all know the snugly baby cwtches are totally lush and the cute little baby noises they make when they’re sleeping or practising talking almost brings a tear to the eye but let’s take a minute to talk about the bad and possibly the ugly side of having a new baby in the house.
Hair loss- What is that about? I’m constantly covered in the stuff. It’s like I’ve just walked through a cobweb, especially in the mornings, not to mention the amount strewn about across the floor. But the worst part is peeling them off the baby. They get caught in between his fingers and in his neck. I actually shaved the underneath of my hair in an attempt to abate it but to no avail.
Teething – Urgh teething. Poor babba. Just come through already and let my little man have some peace! There is a Christian song that goes “Your love is relentless.” Replace the words ‘love is’ with ‘teeth are’ and that’s what I’ve been singing to my baby all week.
Cradle cap – Itchy and unsightly this stuff just kind of makes my stomach wretch a little bit every time I have to brush it. Sorry boy, it’s true.
My skin – 5 months of broken sleep with ne’er a chance to catch up = bad skin. I always thought the skin care industry was a bit of a con but that will teach me. I’ve noticed in all the pictures of me and babe my skin is a sort of greeny/greyish hue. Enough said.
Kissing the baby – A man in the park KISSED my baby on the head! I recognised him from a toddler group and said hello and then he kissed the baby! It was slightly offset by the fact he is a grampa-don’t ask me why, let’s not get into that. There is a theory that suggests the reason babies are so irresistibly kissable is because we pick up some natural flora and fauna from the skin to skin contact and mum’s amazing breast milk is then tailored to fight any bugs. New rule: if you’re not making milk for my baby, please don’t kiss him. Side note: And touching his hands too…2 words people, hand hygiene. ‘Aww he’s holding my finger.’ Yep, he’s 5 months, he’s grabbing just about everything within reach right now, he doesn’t particularly care if it’s your hair or your hand that just touched the lift button, or the public toilet tap or your phone that you take into the toilet with you. And guess where his hand is going straight after touching yours? Yep into his mouth. Mmm tasty. I’m going to start packing a fly swatter in the nappy bag.
Not being able to do some things – Admittedly this is a temporary hiatus but worth a mention. Swimming with your 6yr old and baby? Sounds fun but baby’s lips are going blue because he’s so cold. Daddy gets all the awesome fun brownie points now mamma. No more rainy-day Saturday am’s at the cinema because everyone knows cinema & babies don’t mix. Just generally going anywhere is a bit of a hassle, there’s something really irksome about getting a baby in and out of the car. In and out, in and out….Abseiling? no.
I’m sure there are many more and many more things again that are so awesome about having a baby. I love the laughing, I think there’s nothing on this earth more joyful than a baby laughing, especially when it’s your own. What have I missed? Comment below.