Finding validation as a stay at home parent.


My husband said something really interesting to me the other day. It wasn’t so much what he said so much as the way he said it that struck me.

He told me that he thinks that what I do being a stay-at-home-mum is much harder than what he does going to work. Ahh how lovely, right? Which is what I usually think and carry on with my day but this time it was something about the way he said it that made me realise he actually genuinely means it.

The conversation was nothing to do with our home life, he was talking to a friend at work about paternity leave. This friend and his wife are sharing maternity leave so he was asking for advice about how much time would be good to take off work. So they were chatting about it and Rich said I wouldn’t like to stay off too long (back hackles up) because what my wife does is much harder than what I do (phew rescued yourself there son). Now, I have heard him say this before and always just thought that’s nice of him. But I could see he really meant it this time (mostly because he was laughing that said person was naively shocked that stay at home parenting is hard). But I was quite taken aback. I realised that all this time he’d actually meant it! And I felt really proud of myself!

Some days are easier than others.

Rich gets a lot (a lot) of validation at work. He works hard and is good at his job. As it’s a sales job when he hits his targets he gets bonuses, if he wins a big account his phone buzzes with well done messages from his team, there is a camaraderie and ‘in’ jokes and nicknames and so on and so on. But sahm mum’s don’t get that. Nobody ever walks past me doing the laundry and says “great job Kate, I see you are going out of your way to boil wash the sicky muslin, well done not slacking and just doing a quick 40 wash.” I don’t get a text message from my mate calling me Mrs Wonderflaps saying “Well done you’re killing this whole motherhood thing” and I certainly don’t get vouchers at Christmas or a bottle of fizz. But did I ever get that kind of pat on the back in my old job in the office? Not really. Do any of my hard slogging wonder mummy friends get any kind of notice in their day jobs or their home lives “You just helped that older person with dementia get the right care package and you’re an amazing mum too, here’s a £100 bonus.”

He actually got a real life trophy.

I had my first ever PR invite for the blog a couple of weeks ago (keep your eyes peeled) and I was so excited. It felt good to have a little validation from outside the home. As a stay at home mum a pat on the back isn’t usually on my radar. I love staying home with my children, and I truly feel so happy to be able to. We work as a team in our house and I really do feel like that. But there was definitely something special in realising that my husband thinks I’m awesome. There was definitely a spark of excitement to receive an email about my blog because it’s something only I have done. And there was definitely something special about nagging my 6 yr old to keep her room tidy because I just cleaned it and getting the reply “Thanks Mum”.

Dear Bear and Beany

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday 

Author: thehippychristianmum

Baby-wearing, dairy-free, breastfeeding, home-birthing, cloth-nappying, church-going, slightly foul-mouthed, stay at home mum. Head of my own very exclusive parenting club.

26 thoughts on “Validation.”

  1. I returned to work part time after our first but became a stay at home parent when our second son was born. It was my choice and I felt lucky to be able to make that choice but it was really lovely when my husband came home from work surprised to learn that none of his female colleagues wanted to be at home all the time, “because it was harder than being at work!” #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You have this spot on – the lack of validation is the thing I struggled with the most when I was on maternity leave. I never thought I placed so much importance on my job, but I always used to receive awards for effort, and even just the appreciative comments that tell you you’re doing a good job. I ended up returning to work 2 days a week and it’s the perfect balance for me – it’s without question that being at home is the far harder job! How great that your husband recognises this as well (mine is great like that too, but I do think it perhaps goes unnoticed for a lot of people!) Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

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  3. I think apart from the lack of validation the other thing is that unless you’re extremely unlucky your colleagues are likely to be a good deal more cooperative than a child ! Lovely post and congrats on the invite #kcacols

    Liked by 1 person

  4. love this post and it is true. I work 4 days and I know id never hack being a sahm. honestly. and like you say, its such a thankless job. so its nice to hear your hubby appreciates everything you do 🙂 and massive congrats on your PR invite !!! #KCACOLS

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  5. Does your Smiggle voucher count as a bonus?! I think you can count that, haha! Love this though, I think us Mums should start sending each other ‘well done’ texts for getting through those daily challenges at home! x #KCACOLS

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  6. I think this is one of the toughest things about being a stay at home parent – that and the fact that there is no sick leave, you just have to keep going no matter what. This is why blogs are so important, because they give us back our vice and a chance to connect with others in the same boat. #KCACOLS

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  7. You are so lucky to at least have that level of understanding from your husband. That has to count for so much. And for the rest, there’s always gin!! I used to work in medical sales though, and damn, I miss those bonuses! (And the company car!!) #SharingTheBlogLove


  8. I don’t think my husband would ever say that I have the harder job – I think he genuinely believes I swan around meeting my sisters for coffee and “enjoying” trips to the park. Finding validation is hard, but when Piglet is happy and laughing away with me thats the best I can ask for! #kcacols

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  9. I totally relate to this. I am a SAHM and I think you are right about the recognition thing, I don’t think you realise how much it means at work to get a ‘well done’, win awards and get recognition to give you a boost and know its all worth it. My husband is pretty good at knowing how tough it is being a home with 2 young children every day. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove Laura x

    Liked by 1 person

  10. This is a fantastic article. Thank you for sharing.
    It’s great that your husband truly appreciates what your job as SAHM actually entails. It’s lovely you all work as a team. Congratulations on your PR opportunity with your blog – that’s fantastic! #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

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